We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
