Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We have started to decorate penises.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
