Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
