No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
