I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
