Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
