Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
