well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
