just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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