yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
