then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
