Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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