garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
