Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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