Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
