We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
