Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
