Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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