he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to calm my uterus...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
