my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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