So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
