end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this will be a night to untag.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
