please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
