so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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