I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
