everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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