I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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