He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
