I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
3pm strippers are depressing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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