Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
