And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
