it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
