booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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