Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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