I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
