I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
