i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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