wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
