How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
