I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
