no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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