I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
