dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
