This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
