my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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