Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm jealous of your bromance
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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