i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
