I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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