I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
