CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
