I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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