Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
