Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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