Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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