So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
