She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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