If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
home. puking in laundry basket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
