Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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