i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
