btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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